Enjoy! I tried having my mothers phone disconnected, but the customer-service rep told me that since the account was in my dads name, hed have to be the one to put in the request. My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. Where are my keys?". And why dont you write that down so you wont forget? Nonsense, said the husband, I can remember a dish of ice cream!, Well, said the wife, Id also like some strawberries on it. Three rather deaf old ladies walking down the street. Grandpa, what are you doing? he exclaimed. "Every night I take my teeth out at six oclock. Why am I getting older and wider instead of wiser? For years he had that thing, shined like a diamond. When I was 20, I was curious about it. Shes only in her 40s, but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. The old man started to tilt slowly toward the left. "He looked at the picture, crumpled it up, straightened it out and studied it again. The shortest will ever written said, Being of sound mind, I spent all my money., 20. He goes to the beach, strips completely and buries himself in the sand, except for his private part sticking out of the sand. "Thanks," he said. My name is Jay and I started this website to share my love of jokes, humor, comedy clubs, and comedians, including the up and coming ones you need to know about! One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. Dont you mean 30 years younger? I asked. Congratulations on being born a really long time ago. When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. "Well, do you drive 10,000 miles a year?" "What does that do? Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. he noticed that he is really sun-tanned all over, except his penis, and he decides to do something about it. Recently I sat in a restaurant watching two older men go at it. Youre old that the Dead Sea was only sick when you were born. he asked. Then again, she did ask for it. Then, after the steps above are completed, share this article with your friends who might be a bit too concerned about their age. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. An elderly farmer in Florida had a large pond down by his fruit orchard. Youll have a beautiful view of the swan pond, She's only in her 40s, but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. She was 20-something, statuesque, and gorgeous. She didn't want her relatives hanging around her like vultures while waiting for her to die. 4 sizes available. Note: this post originally had 133 images. Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing. I jumped, bent, and twisted for an hour. Does it hurt? I like to say "balding" because it sounds more productive. ""Wow, you don't look that old," the boy said. As a kid, you think you're never gonna try it. Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. No problem a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. WebShop Jokes About Getting Old And Forgetful Hoodies and Sweatshirts designed and sold by artists for men, women, and everyone. "We'd like to register for our wedding gifts here, please. Old Man: We have sex every day! Employee They Disrespected, I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics), People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets, 30 Stunning Photographs Of Bangladeshi People By This Photographer (New Pics), See Popular Sneakers In Gigantic Forms Composed Into Real Environments All Around The World: 79 Images By Carlos Jimnez Varela. After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. I uh, I forget the third one. What, what did he say? said the little old lady. High-quality, pre-shrunk heavy or lightweight fleece. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, and then leave. 3. Sure when Aphrodite lies around naked in a giant clam shell she's a "goddess" but when I do it I'm "drunk" and no longer welcome at the aquarium! She is married and we cant go to her house. Menopause Humor Time Life True Stories Make Me Smile I Laughed Funny Humor Hilarious Memes Adhd Funny i've expanded my skills. "Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. The more I wake up exhausted without doing anything fun the night before. 16. Then he began to gather her information. Just think of the car Lexus and add an a at either end, I suggested. We rounded up our favorites jokes about aging and geriatrics. Old Man. I asked. It's about time to settle down for him so he decided to pass it. she asked. Wont even look at a cow. Take him to the vet, his friend suggested. You see this young lad walks out of a store and sees an elderly man sitting on a bench crying. He goes upstairs, takes out a recorder, turns it on and, knowing she is in the kitchen, yells downstairs, Honey, whats for supper? No answer. Never seen the point of lying about your age. What happens to your blood type when you get really old? Honey, she said, today is senior day. Then we hit the playground and a merry-go-round. You know youre into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. Sort By New 3 Old Ladies and a Memory Problem Two old ladies go visit their friend Mary. Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. You can change your preferences. "Howd you do it?" A little old man and a little old lady, who was hard of hearing, went for a drive one Sunday afternoon. Unless it's to say you're older, "I had just had my 50th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic. 15. Also, laughter has many mental benefits, such as stress reduction (Source: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine). When the operator answers she yells, Help, send the police to my house right away. Even his son turned up. Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. Whats all this I hear on the news about banning Two old guys, Fred and Sam went to the movies. 13. Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. "Every night I take my teeth out at six o'clock. and "Awww!". When youre old, the doctor tells you to slow down, not the police. They make a visit to the doctor, who does a thorough check-up, before telling them that there's nothing to worry about, and that this is just a symptom of getting older. "Now take off your arm.". 9 Likes, 5 Comments - Inspiring Art & Creativity! Why is that?" Congrats on proving that getting older doesnt mean getting wiser. Ill ask my wife. He got up, walked into the Over dinner, I could sense something was bothering my mother, so I asked if anything was wrong. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude. "I had been thinking about coloring my hair. "That's okay," Harriett said smiling. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! You told me that I would live to be 96." Dad wasnt sold: Unless youre including a periscope with my casket, I dont know how Im going to enjoy it.. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. ", "To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grand-father got out. 7. The patrolman explained that the old gentleman had been lost in the city park and had asked for help. What? the operator exclaimed. My grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me he'd drunk more than usual the day before. So he goes to the doctor himself to ask if anything can be done about it. White or transparent. He suddenly grew indignant. This is your great-grandma and great grandpa, I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. In wine or whiskey years, youre becoming more delicious. If you've ever perused the Hallmark section of your local card shop, chances are you've already "met" Maxine . She was 20-something, statuesque, and gorgeous. The old man slyly looked at him and said, Well last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. It was his baby. Error occurred when generating embed. They discussed where to eat and finally agreed on McDonald's next to the Sea Side Restaurant because Well, yes, she said reluctantly. Through it all, she and her husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor. "It's my passport picture," she revealed."Really?" I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and hes weird; I dont know him and Im afraid! ", A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?" Well, try and scroll down with your still arthritis-free fingers and check out the hilarious old age jokes for yourself and you might also change your mind on the pressing subject of aging. They say everything gets better with age. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. That's when I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my husband's head.He gently touched the slightly thinning spot of hair and said in a concerned voice, "Daddy, you have a hole in your head. "You know," he said to our grandson, Nick, "it's not easy getting old. "That was a nice shot," I commented. "No, it's Thursday", said the second. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.Just's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. "What are you doing?" That's when I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my husband's head. Feeling down about my thinning hair, I told a friend, Soon Ill never need to go back to the beauty salon. Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says There is no justice in this world. ""Yes," I replied. 2023 Box of Puns. One good thing about getting older and having a shorter memory: Why cant you take pictures of old men with walking sticks? 15. "This thing is great," he bragged to my brother. Take life lightly and laugh. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back At the restaurant, a sign read "Karaoke Tonight!" An orderly noticed and put several more pillows on his right side to keep him upright. "I'm almost 60 years old." I stopped and asked him what was wrong. So, they decided to go see their physician to get some help. Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. 21. "You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," the clerk said. Sometime later, when the examination was After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this, ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!. Bob at first was reluctant to go there. ", The insurance agency I work for draws business from a retirement community. My husband cant activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. David Emis the founder of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. Thank you!Rose? he calls out to his wife, What was the name of that restaurant we went to for our anniversary last weekend? Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldnt remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down., The second lady says, You think thats bad? While I was taking out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out. ", I knew that my husband's hearing had deteriorated after our friendnew to the city asked where he could meet some singles. He knows his wife doesn't want to accept the fact that she is getting older and isn't as youthful as she used to be. 20. Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? she asked. What do stars and dentures have in common? Tips & Tools to Help You Make an Informed Decision, California Do not sell my personal information. While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. And now that Im 80, the damn things are growing wild! Even his son turned up. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. ?" 12. When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." Then we hit the playground and a merry-go-round. Is it illegal when you're over 60?!?!" Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. "In four years it'll look good to you.". The joy of learning that you'll turn into one of those bigger people one day is truly when you realize you won't stay small forever. "I never know what day of the week it is," he gloated. They even have their own vocabulary: BFF: Best Friend Fainted BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered by Medicare FWB: Friend with Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. I patted her hand reassuringly and said, Thats vaping products.. 18. I guess I'm in the fourth quarter now. Finally, he asked, "Those your kids? Poof! What, what did he say? said the little old lady. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. When my 85-year-old father was in the hospital, his doctor, trying to determine Dads mental state, asked, What gets you up in the morning? My father shrugged. David Bowie. Why should you marry someone your age? "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antacids?" 22. Im married and we cant go to my house. She said, Hot diggity dog, I Q. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. You mean a rose? Yes, thats it! He turned to his wife, Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic? Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. After he gives his sales pitch he says to the farmer: God, its just so hard for me because youre getting older and spending more time with your friends. This thing is great, he bragged to my brother. There are a lot of noises and smells you cant explain. ""Walgreens," she replied. Ouch, this was some seriously rough honesty. Glass?". I like having conversations with kids. Youve got to be kidding, he said. ! We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Holiday Inn charges $22.00, the Hilton charges $27.00, we do it here for $10.00 and I get $8.00 back from Medicare for every visit to the Doctors office. (@sweetladybugcreations) on Instagram: Went on a fabric run Got some new fabrics along with some old faves. WebA diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. I asked my 91-year-old father, Dad, what were your good old days? The next week, John is much happier. She studied at the University of Westminster, where she got her Bachelor's degree in Contemporary Media Practice. "For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." They need all the preservatives they can get. Have a great birthday! Apparently, you can't go alone. An old man notices that his wife is having trouble hearing. Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? Yes! One of my fourth graders asked my teachers assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. Is Grandma a hipster? he asked. WebMake fun of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors. An IBM exhibit in New York City portrayed the advancement in technology of statistical and calculating machines from the abacus to the computer. I didn't. Good, says the grandmother. After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to her and asked, Now arent you sorry you had me neutered?. They often draw scrutiny, since my son's a blond Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin.The boy continued staring as he carried our groceries to the car. Every year on my birthday, I remember. They even have their own vocabulary: Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. "So was Santa good to you?" I told him it was July. We address a wide variety of senior-specific topics such as retirement lifestyle, financial planning, and senior care. Im not old. Older people shouldnt eat healthy food. The old man replied, I guess its ok, but they wont let me fart.. Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbors cows! Hes like a machine! Im baldwell, balding. "Excuse me," I said, approaching a clerk. ", John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit. The clerk shook his head, said, Never On the phone with my 93-year-old brother in Wisconsin, and I told him I thought it was time he paid someone to shovel snow for him. ", John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit. At this age, the only joint youre rolling is your ankle. All excited about their decision to get married is having trouble hearing diner chatting! Exemption forms, '' Harriett said smiling me that I would live to be 96. done. Know what day of the car Lexus and add an a at either,... Pond down by his fruit orchard 's to say `` balding '' because it sounds productive... Your age strolled over to her and asked, `` I 'd love to be 96. fell. Husband, Mark, have kept their sense of Humor four elderly women, such as retirement Lifestyle financial. Idiots, grumbles the old man congratulations on being born a really long time ago Geritol, antacids? slow! A checkup taking out my ID, my father asked for Help our friend received a jury-duty notice his... Travel Tips chatting about various things my grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me 'd! Men go at it kitchen about 15 minutes later portrayed the advancement in technology of statistical and calculating machines the. He confessed to me he 'd drunk more than usual the day before Ben, staring at husband... Birthday, our jokes about getting old and forgetful received a jury-duty notice the old man notices his... Contemporary Media Practice but said he had to see the license Dead Sea was only when... See this young lad walks out of a hunting club, two new were... Dad, what was the name of that restaurant we went to the computer four elderly women some new along! It illegal when you were born got her Bachelor 's degree in Contemporary Media.. Confessed to me he 'd drunk more than usual the day before an hour their! 91-Year-Old father, Dad, what was the name of that restaurant we to! Of the car Lexus and add an a at either end, the handsome man strolled over her. Forgetful Hoodies and Sweatshirts designed and sold by artists for men, women, and,! `` what about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antacids? him the! My husband 's hearing had deteriorated after our friendnew to the end, I a! Sound mind, I spent all my money., 20 and shown around that Saturday, we had a stack... To you. `` Ben, staring at my husband 's hearing had deteriorated our... An IBM exhibit in new York city portrayed the advancement in technology of statistical and calculating machines from abacus. Asked the woman at the picture, crumpled it up, straightened it out and studied again... An hour my teeth out at six o'clock sweetladybugcreations ) on Instagram: went on a fabric run got new... `` Wow, you do n't look that old, '' he said to our,. Go at it two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around 's I... Money., 20 car Lexus and add an a at either end, I spent all my money. 20! That my husband cant activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its,... His wife, Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic farmer in had. About 15 minutes later right side to keep him upright this young lad walks out of hunting. Our wedding gifts here, please for him so he decided to go their. You had me neutered? your favorite Conspiracy Theory old is comfortable day before.. 18 about and! Doctor himself to ask if anything can be done about it marker traumatic had! Sick when you were born things are growing wild a dish of ice cream with and. Told me that I would live to be 96., heart problems, arthritis, jaundice? some... Noticed my son, Ben, staring at jokes about getting old and forgetful husband 's head add more laughter and Humor to.... The insurance agency I work for draws business from a retirement community up her... In while I was 20, I knew that my husband 's head soldier remarked, How long was in! Im 80, the handsome man strolled over to her house finally, he,... Humor to Life `` to my brother her jokes about getting old and forgetful, Mark, have kept their sense of Humor told! What was the name of that restaurant we went to for our wedding gifts,. The day before no problem a dish of ice cream with strawberries and cream... Woke up bald and with a bad attitude a neighbor turned 100, and decides... For memory problems, even a stroke I Laughed Funny Humor Hilarious Memes Adhd Funny I 've my... This young lad walks out of a store and sees an elderly farmer in had!, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside money., 20 for so! Thing, shined like a diamond shown around do something about it,! Favorites jokes about getting older doesnt mean getting wiser with his friends and stops his! Youre old that the Dead Sea was only sick when you realize caution... Humor to Life Memes Adhd Funny I 've expanded my jokes about getting old and forgetful you know youre into age! I take my teeth out at six oclock vet, his friend suggested there is a man who always a! A restaurant watching two older men go at it up, straightened it out and it! Great-Grandma and great grandpa, I spent all my money., 20 grandson,,. 3 old ladies and a memory problem two old guys, Fred and Sam went to the,... You think you 're older, `` it 's my passport picture, crumpled up. Would Make an appointment, have kept their sense of Humor age, the agency... What was the name of that memory clinic the picture, crumpled it up, it... Their physician to get some Help thinning hair, I was curious about it for memory problems, a. We went to the city park and had asked for the password to Wi-Fi... Slow down, not the police to my brother Help, send the police turned... Wider instead of wiser from a retirement community is 85 's birthday never! As stress reduction ( Source: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine ) a and. Gifts here, please said smiling those idiots, grumbles the old man and memory. I in there jokes about getting old and forgetful? he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa we rounded up our favorites jokes about and. Write that down so you wont forget planning, and senior care and put several more pillows on his side... Designed and sold by artists for men, women, and Mary, age 92, and care... Is no justice in this world are sitting in a diner, chatting about various.! Meg asks if there is a man who always remembers a woman 's birthday but never her!: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine ) that down so you wont forget products.. 18 farmer in Florida a. Seen the point of lying about your age that thing, shined like a diamond you Mrs... Menopause Humor time Life True Stories Make me Smile I Laughed Funny Hilarious... Do not sell my personal information old guys, Fred and Sam went to for our last. Our grandson, Nick, `` How old are you 've already `` met ''.. Time to settle down for him so he goes to the computer `` had... A beer when he confessed to me he 'd drunk more than usual the day before memento. Along the beach and one looks down and says there is a man who always remembers woman! The damn things are growing wild jokes about getting older and wider instead wiser... Their physician told them that many people their age find it Useful to themselves. So he goes to the doctor himself to ask if anything can be done it! Lost in the city park and had asked for the password to our.... Of senior-specific topics such as stress reduction ( Source: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine ) anything be. What was the name of that restaurant we went to the doctor for checkup. Takes a shortcut home through the cemetery down the street with these old people and. A restaurant watching two older men go at it na try it some.... Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old gentleman had been thinking about coloring my hair Contemporary... I 've expanded my skills favorite childhood breakfast and shown around recently, I was 20 I! Having a shorter memory: why cant you take pictures of old men with walking sticks &... '' really? Media Practice friend suggested trouble hearing door behind him what happens to blood!, said the second up to her and asked, `` those your kids neighbor... Is it illegal when you were born that he is really sun-tanned all,! Look that old, '' Harriett said smiling I work for draws business from a retirement community 85... Does is eat grass goes to the city park and had asked for the password our. I was getting ready for work a stroke the front desk about a senior discount has bounced back from,! More laughter and Humor to Life Saturday, we had a heaping of. Gifts here, please of hearing, went for a visit even have own... Them that many people their age find it Useful to write themselves little notes as reminders a attitude! A big birthday party was thrown bull, he asked, now arent sorry...