Lets talk about it out there, he said, gesturing to the corridor that led to a packed audience, and I gave him that look, the same look Id given the younger man who asked why I didnt write about these things. But if this is someone really close to you, and who you care about, then I think you might want to say -- not something like youre drinking too much, because accusatory lines like that just bring up somebodys porcupine needles -- but, Im worried about you. Im telling you about what I saw when I was 19. A New York Times columnist who would eventually be publicly excommunicated. But then, if you drink too much, alcohol lowers your judgement and your inhibitions. by Sarah Hepola. Your email address will not be published. She writes of her. We spoke about her newly released first book Blackout: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget, which is about a lifetime of drinking and the initial years of recovery. Public shaming is the worst kind of shaming. Big in Finland. I stayed on a podcast about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders that I feared everyone would hate, and I braced myself to be unpopular, to take the hits, which never really came. He had a book coming out,Talking to Strangers, which included a well-researched chapter on alcohol and blackouts in the context of a college scandal I knew better than most, having met some of the people involved with the legal case. I was very disconnected from the emotional stakes of sex. Nobody wants the bad guys to get away with it. I was so scared that my life was over. Writers gathered around the long communal table of Twitter, and some days it felt like the last scene ofReservoir Dogseveryone turning their guns on one another. Her place was filled with hardback books and writers who had been invited because they danced on the precarious edge of what was considered appropriate. husband and son, that ultimately create the life she needs to survive. Her memoir, "Blackout," will be published by Grand Central on June 23, 2015. Sarah Hepola is the author of the memoir Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget, a New York Times bestseller. When Don retired, they split their time between summers at the cabin on Duck Lake, MN and winters at their home in Mesa, AZ. Public scolding, all-caps hyperbole, a stubborn refusal to understand another point of viewintolerance, once perceived as a conservative problem, was fully bipartisan now. Sarah Hepola's Blackout, a dark, funny, honest-to-the-bone account of getting sober. In the pandemic madness of 2021, a journalist friend who enjoyed sounding off on science and homeopathy decided to stay the hell away from COVID. I just thought this was how it was donewe said one thing in public, and backstage we said what we really thought. Id think those would be the most interesting things to write about., I gave him an exasperated look. My heart goes out to people who have that situation. ), Backstage at the Texas Book Festival event, I chatted with Gladwell. What might happen if she got a dragon? That she sympathizes with accused rapists, for one thing . All I know is that I hated it, and for five years, I kept very quiet about it. I was somebody who my friends were worrying about, and they were talking about me -- not because theyre gossips, but because they worried and thats what women do: they talk to one another. You can call it justice. But there was a . They were married in Little Falls and moved to Eden Prairie, MN" in 1962. Outside on the sidewalk, he thanked me politely and sauntered off in the other direction, and I was left wondering why, indeed, we do these things. Some of them just never spoke about it and silently worried. I was not in that situation; I was on the other side of the fence. News about the couple's then-burgeoning relationship in April 2016. This was the stuff of doorstop novels, and yet people were working it out in 280 characters dashed off in line at Trader Joes. She went to St. We are all unreliable narrators. To listen. First, its a simply stunning piece of writing, which provokes in me feelings of both awe and jealousy. Last year marked a low point for me. The unwritten rule of elite media tribes seemed to be this: You spout the company line, or you shut up. There were the pressing matters of rent, exorbitant insurance, and the occasional glitter heels. Not that project, not that story, not that controversy. I dont know. Joan Didion, Carl Sagan, Christopher Hitchens, though I had more reservations about that last one. His books include: The Making of an American High School (Yale, 1988); How to Succeed in School Without Really Learning: The Credentials Race in American Education (Yale, 1997); The Trouble with Ed Schools (Yale University Press, 2004); Someone Has to Fail: The Zero-Sum Game of Public Schooling (Harvard, 2010); and A Perfect Mess: The Unlikely Ascendancy of American Higher Education (Chicago, 2017).View all posts by David Labaree, Your email address will not be published. Sarah Hepola tells me how in the 1990s while she was at the University of Texas it was important for her to "drink, dress, and fuck like a man". My writer friends and I huddled backstage at panels in green rooms filled with chocolate-chip cookies and veggie platters, whispering about everything we couldnt say out there, in the scary beyond. But in a blackout, a person is anything but silent and immobile. She lives in Dallas. In the sixth grade, I did a six-week research project on the PMRC, the Parents Music Resource Center, and you might call that lengthy, impassioned report my first long-form story. And Im talking about friends of mine who work at top tier magazines, people who know the history of ancient Rome. . Well, those are pretty high BACs, but what I kind of wish Id emphasized more in the book is that its different for everybody, and some people have a lower threshold. Part of HuffPost Women. I kept going. Ask the Puritans. I kept going. But admitting what Ireallythought, what Ireallybelieved about these complicated issues, I feared a similar exile. Show More. I was screwed. Id long considered myself a liberal and a feminist, but Id grown terrified of being banished for views I considered reasonable, or at least worth discussingbut maybe,but what about,but actually. by Sarah Hepola (Author) 2,944 ratings Editors' pick Best Biographies & Memoirs See all formats and editions Kindle $10.99 Read with Our Free App Audiobook $0.00 Free with your Audible trial Hardcover $22.45 85 Used from $1.49 25 New from $10.50 5 Collectible from $6.00 Paperback In the two years since, I have tried to drum up the courage to be someone different from the writer I had become. Do you have any advice for someone who is thinking about broaching the subject of drinking problems with a friend? I suspect I will lose followers (I dont have that many), but perhaps I will gain self-respect, which Ive been sorely lacking lately. She lives in East Dallas, where she enjoys playing her guitar poorly and listening to the "Xanadu" soundtrack. Its kind of mind-boggling to contemplatethat not pouring a beer on a strangers head would be the bad career move. That shook me. If so, can they please tell me, so I can choose my stance accordingly? Instead my writing grew better, stronger, more clearheaded. But being sympathetic to these fallen creaturesa trait instilled by literature, my mother, and Oprahhad been declared a sin. I was stuck. published June 24, 2015. ), I sympathized deeply with Miller. Everyone kept quiet (save for the brave few who did not). Sarah Hepola writes a long rambling pointless essay titled The . As a drinker and a snob, I had an allergy to educational materials, period. Often called the Stanford rape (although the ghastly episode was, under California law at the time, considered a sexual assault butnot a rape) it became famous after the young woman at the center wrote ablisteringvictims statementthat was published onBuzzFeedand went supernova. I understood such moral panics to be the product of generational hand-wringing and the religious right, which was then gaining ground. Five years ago, on June 12, 2010, Sarah Hepola quit drinking, breaking a lifelong habit that could be traced back to sneaking her first sip of her dad's warm Pearl Light when she was 6 years old. We had a wonderful onstage conversation, because Gladwell is one of those windup toys of public speaking who can wow any crowd. I was very disconnected from my body by the end. But I seem to be enjoying it. My book opens with an episode in Paris where I came out of a blackout in the middle of having sex with a man I did not recognize. But so many of these spectacles could be grouped under a more mundane heading. The couple next to me on my flight was headed to a wedding and staying with 81 people at an AirBNB. Its a shame the Internet hates him, I messaged. I would thump the kitchen table. From reading your book, that seemed to me like perhaps the time that was the hardest for you. And thats why, midway through a career built on speaking out, I shut up. I applied to pick up groceries for Instacart, and each time I scrolled through the latest batch (seven items, two miles away), I was seized with the fear that Id fail at that too. I know this: Im finally ready to have a conversation with the world. Because I wanted to talk to other writers about the things you cant write about anymore., His eyes narrowed. As she tells it, Sarah Hepola's romance with alcohol began in her childhood (yes, childhood), when she would sneak sips of beer from her mother's half-drunk can in the fridge. Louis C.K. All Rights Reserved. What was I, a rape apologist? Im dying to talk about the Brock Turner incident, I said. And when my friends stopped laughing because, you know, laughter is a complicity; its Im in this with you. When my friends stopped laughing, I was like, Oh wow, OK, this isnt so cool anymore., Each of my friends reacted differently to what was going on. Were living in a time when social media have made it dangerous to address certain fraught topics from the wrong perspective. Maybe Ill write something great this year. But the social and moral and criminal consequences can be grave. Id say it was disappointed. Not because anyone asked for it, but because this is the career Ive chosen, and if Im not doing that, thenwhat are we doing here? Blackouts might be the freakiest neurological occurrence that also happens to be casually categorized as another Friday night. I thought that my friendships were over, because alcohol had been such a point of bonding for us. Often called the Stanford rape (although the ghastly episode was, under California law at the time, considered a sexual assault but not a rape) it became famous after the young woman at the center wrote a blistering victims statement that was published on BuzzFeed and went supernova. Political talking points dont lie neatly along human behavior. Speaking Topics Sally was born on September 1, 1928, to Frank and Noella Hall in Little Falls, MN. (I have no reason to suspect that Chanel Miller is a chronic blackout drinker, but my research taught me that blackout drinking can be chronic in college environments. But what I have noticed in reading so much about this, and following this story, and writing my own story, and talking to people -- and Ive been talking about this for years now -- is what a conflation there is between passing out and blacking out. Sarah Hepola wiki ionformation include family relationships: spouse or partner (wife or husband); siblings; childen/kids; parents life. Like me, the younger man had fallen in love with art because it was the place where people told the truth. That might be why Ive so desperately sought the validation of people on Twitter Ive never even met. During a blackout, the alcohol user may behave normally, yet have no recollection of events upon sobriety. Well, has the Internet read The Corrections?. New York, Grand Central Publishing, 2015, 230 pp., 26.00. She lives in Dallas. Early in our correspondence, hed expressed great affection for Jonathan Franzen. This interview has been edited and condensed. Lets get blackout has been a college rallying cry for many years. The things you and I discuss., Nicole Chung: How to organize your writing ideas, He ran a hand through his hair. TWIN CITIES, MN Camille Williams, who co-anchored with her husband Cory Hepola for KARE 11 on weekends surprised her fans Tuesday night when she announced her departure from the station . Peak Atlantic. She is the host/creator of the Texas Monthly podcast on the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Americas Girls and the co-conspirator of the weekly cultural podcast Smoke Em if You Got Em.. Sarah Hepola is the author of the bestselling memoir, Blackout . BLACKOUT: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget, Things Fall Apart: Thoughts on Joan Didion, Why Im Doing a Podcast on the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Hepola conveys both the horror in the mysteries left after a night smudged dark by drinking, and the draw . Careerism. Let's start with the most recent piece: Texas writer Sarah Hepola's Atlantic article, a rambling, illogical screed that was full of fallacious arguments. Sarah Martha Maria (Porkkonen) Hepola, was born on March 28, 1933 in rural New York Mills, Newton Twp. A nagging sense that I did not know enough about any given controversy to weigh in publicly (though that never stopped so many others). Executive Editor, Editorial Partnerships, HuffPost. I stayed on apodcast about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleadersthat I feared everyone would hate, and I braced myself to be unpopular, to take the hits, which never really came. To listen. He could take the hits. From 2015 to 2021, my private conversations were some of the best Ive ever had. Mini Biography. Every day, I scrolled the endless river of outrage and all-caps, watching people express similar views to mine only to be pounced upon. Sarah Hepola is the personal essays editor at Salon.com. H. Armstrong Roberts / ClassicStock / Getty; Gabriela The Things I'm Afraid to Write About Because I was part of a binge-drinking culture and because it was a part of my life, I always knew -- ever since I blacked out when I was 12. But the world kept exploding, and I only retreated further into my hidey-hole. The unwritten rule of elite media tribes seemed to be this: You spout the company line, or you shut up. * Buzzfeed * a memoir of her alcoholism but also an empathetic dissection of addiction and American drinking culture, and the blurry lines between the two. Sarah Hepola The Things I'm Afraid to Write About by David Labaree March 24, 2022 Leave a Comment This post is a remarkable essay by Sarah Hepola, which appeared recently online at Atlantic. My point in all of this is: Hey, were having this explosive, important, necessary, fascinating, difficult conversation about consent. Oprah had him on to talk about the book, and exactly two weeks later, she sat down with Chanel Miller, whose own memoir,Know My Name,had become a sensation. (I had to imagine that Oprah, queen of empathy, was having a hell of a time in this day and age. I had friends where it was like -- Im giving her my confessions every weekend and shes trying to play nursemaid and priest and mother and all these things and she finally had to say, I cant do this anymore. And then I had the friend who took a social step back, and basically stopped inviting me. A story about sex workers during the pandemic written by a nonsex worker who didnt even frequent strip clubs? Cloud Teachers College and became a 4th Grade Teacher in Sebeka, MN where she met her future husband, Donald Hepola. And I knew blackouts so intimately that I literally wrote the book. I think the first instinct when you have this situation is to cut that person out of your life. Oprah had him on to talk about the book, and exactly two weeks later, she sat down with Chanel Miller, whose own memoir, Know My Name, had become a sensation. The reviews were mixed, but the hits didnt really come, maybe because by the time his book came out, during the cresting wave of Black Lives Matter, the culture had moved away from #MeToo discussions, or maybe because nobody felt like tangling with Malcolm Gladwell. Im not gonna deal with that person because that person brings chaos -- and I understand that. I'm making all the right sounds. But one of the things that reached through my denial, for whatever reason, was other peoples stories. Last year marked a low point for me. You mention that you were able to write off educational materials about excessive drinking -- like a student health center pamphlet, in college -- because they just didnt seem that realistic to you. He worked in a factory, with his hands. Back in 2015, I was putting out my first book, and then I was promoting that book, and then I was struggling to write a second book, and I could not risk the personal and professional blowback that might accompany stepping into the wrong lane. What I needed to do for myself was to find the body that I felt comfortable in, given the parameters that I have. But it was like that for me.". She was one of those people who rarely had a bad day. But my cohort and I had grown up wanting it both ways: a safe career, and an artistic one. Burial service for victims of the SS Atlantic shipwreck, April 1873. She went to St. At my core, I was a people pleaser, and the culture had reached a moment when any opinion worthy of expression ran the risk of losing half your audience. The fast-typing egalitarians of the internet age wanted social change, vengeance, a megaphone for their righteous anger. Its kind of mind-boggling to contemplatethatnotpouring a beer on a strangers head would be the bad career move. I took on freelance stories only to pull out when they too proved controversial. What was trauma, really? 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. And the unsavory truth is that, as someone who has done Very Stupid Things while drinking, I also sympathized with Turner. Its very unusual for sexual assaults involving a blackout to get a conviction, partly for this reason. Taboo subjects have always been delectable, but suddenly we were living in a time when so much that was once considered fair game for discussion (education, biological differences, the benefits of policing) had become dangerous. Its a shame the Internet hates him, I messaged. I understood such moral panics to be the product of generational hand-wringing and the religious right, which was then gaining ground. The book is an intimate education, not only in her personal history, but also about the dangers of alcohol-induced blackouts, or "periods of memory loss for events that transpired while a person was drinking," which Hepola calls a "menace hiding in plain sight. Sarah grew up in Dallas, Texas, and was brought up in a household of modest chaos. I couldnt always tell the difference between activism and protectionism, valid critique and frivolous complaint. woozy with rainbows." The unsavory truth is that I sympathized with many of these men: Johnny Depp, Ryan Adams, Brett Kavanaugh, every booze-soaked dumbass who has been accused of doing or saying things he may or may not remember, may or may not regret, may or may not have done while under the influence. I surrounded myself with people who reminded me I was loved, no matter what the firing squads on Twitter said. And what I wish I could impart to someone is: If you can just get through that difficult first month, or two months, or whatever it turns out to be, I promise you, I swear to you, it is so much better on this side. Once-celebrated writers were being publicly rebranded as ghoulish, pieces of trash, red-pilled. During the resistance movement of 2016, a friends book about feminism got dropped in part because her feminism wasnt the right kind for the Trump era. I'm posting this for two compelling reasons. Sally was born on September 1, 1928, to Frank and Noella Hall in Little Falls, MN. Is this you? N ot long ago, I visited Austin, where I spent much of my 20s, and I noticed that my female friends were all dressed the . Public shaming is the worst kind of shaming. What was trauma, really? And this is not just a sex thing! Is there a more honest and productive way to talk about this in public -- or is it just too thorny for people to handle? And the writing community changed. What gets lost when a writer mutes herself? Find the obituary of Sarah Hepola (1928 - 2022) from Mesa, AZ. Rags to Riches: How US Higher Ed Went from Pitiful to Powerful, podcast about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Follow David Labaree on Schooling, History, and Writing on WordPress.com, Paul Fussell Thank God for the Atom Bomb, The Winning Ways of a Losing Strategy: Educationalizing Social Problems in the US. She went to St. There are uncomfortable dates, compromised friendships, and, most importantly, the inner critic that never shuts up. So I was relieved that someone of Gladwells stature had broached the topic. I carved out a journalism career during an era when that was not so hard to do. Yeah. So theres a little bit of TBD on that answer. And the unsavory truth is that, as someone who has done Very Stupid Things while drinking, I also sympathized with Turner. Every once in a while, Id get a head of steam about some scandal, and Id start a big-swing essay only to bench myself a few days later. But in 2015Id written a memoirthat introduced some controversial ideas about women and drinking, and I badly wanted to be a part of their rogue outfit, even as I clung to the more doctrinaire one Id long considered my own. Online condolences may be left at jonespearson.com. The reviews were mixed, but the hits didnt really come, maybe because by the time his book came out, during the cresting wave of Black Lives Matter, the culture had moved away from #MeToo discussions, or maybe because nobody felt like tangling with Malcolm Gladwell. I was galled by the PMRC, a group of concerned mothers led by the then-wife of Al Gore, Tipper Gore, fighting the cultural rot of songs about masturbation, virginity, BDSM, all the topics a curious girl might find irresistible. We had a wonderful onstage conversation, because Gladwell is one of those windup toys of public speaking who can wow any crowd. Here's a link to the original. Terms of Use | Funeral Planning and Grief Resources | I hadnt gossiped so enthusiastically since middle school. You can call it cancel culture. I lost 50 pounds, but I still have to accept that Im never going to have the body of my 5'10" actress friend. A bigot? I was so proud of this small, private act of civil disobedience that I brought it home to Texas to show it to the younger man like a prized pelt. A writers life is financially precarious. They respond to that with love. But there would be no lunch after the show. ), Backstage at the Texas Book Festival event, I chatted with Gladwell. by Sarah Hepola. Its projection. One thing you discuss that fascinated me is the complicated subject of consent and alcohol. ", "[P]eople in a blackout can be surprisingly functional," she writes. 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