Smoking and drinking! I still love him so much, but I think its the best choice for both of us. And that is the hard and painful task to face the truth, because depression is, for me at least running away form truth, avoiding to face it. Let she feels that you are proud of her. I was acting like it all was my boyfriends fault, and I sometimes felt like this. The text is most likely a part of an image, then. Fact is the depression got better since he mey, I struggle with episodes now, not the full playlist, so to speak. The 3 Cs: You didnt Cause it, you cant Control it, you cant Cure it. My Girlfriend's Depression Is Bringing Me Down. We had ups and downs for almost a year till i realised that she is alcoholic, and sadlly that the day we met (which i consider the most romantic day i had) she had bottle of wine hidden in her bag. Trying to fix it on yours own either no optional. please help! She might even need help to physically move some of the bigger items out (like a couch). Do they really want help? Im having this problem with my depressed gf too who I have been in a relationship with for almost 6 months now but lately, she changed from being caring to cold and selfish and I didnt do anything to anger her and treated her wth utmost care and lots of love since the beginning of our relationship. I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. We talked (argued) about the lack of sex and how distant we are and she said that she doesnt feel any of these feelings, and that sometimes we doesnt feel comfortable thinking about sex. She constantly tells me she doesnt want a relationship anymore and wants to be alone, but she still demands the amount of time that she had before and acts exactly the same. Ive been going to therapy for 3 years and talking about my problems doesnt help me. What's my issue, and what steps can or should I take that would help both her and me? I have seen suicide attempts, aggression and erratic and forceful ways of keeping me locked in the house every time I threaten to leave. Dear Armand, I feel im depressed, asking myself was actually our sexlife good becuase she was drinking, and that the person im with now has no interest in sex at all? Long distance, depressed girlfriend, university, feeling trapped, spending too much time and sacrificing too many things for the happiness of the other person in the relationship. But I just dont know anymore. To see a list of mental health professionals practicing in your area, simply enter your ZIP code here: Our arguments are born out of nothing, she wants me to do as she wishes and doesnt believe in personal space, family commitments, having ambitions and achievoing dreams. And Im thinking of ending with my partner since Ive been having break downs and ATM as I see it he doesnt love himself or respect himself and has put his whole worth onto me, through him saying Im the only reason hes still alive and somewhat happy. I didt wanted help, I didnt wanted to tell people how sad I am (and that I dont know why) to anyone. He has on multiple occasions told me that he only feels happy, safe and secure around me, and that if it wasnt for me he wouldve killed himself long ago. That sounds like my issue too. If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. Im not really looking for advice with this, just getting something off my chest to the world. And I never had a problem with that, I loved her entirely, with all of that. Like everything was depending on something else, like it was fragile structure. Seems like a pattern, a thing to analyse better. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team, Im going through a similar thing, Ive been with my girlfriend for 4 years, shes been through childhood trauma, depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, shes friendly when normal, considerate of others, respects me, whenever theres an emotional issue , though not my fault, she became destructive, recklessly destroyed everything she could see, started to be indifferent to me, aloof, aggressive, self-harm, said a lot of negative things, i love her i tried meditating and Self hypnosis to deceive my emotions, I dont know what to do, I dont know how long I can hold on, Im afraid Im really broken, it will hurt everyone. Thanks for your testimony Ching. Second, if nothing changes over time let it go. its comforting to know that other couples go through the same things. I cant stay wit her anymore. If so, you might get what's known as a tension headache from all the heated emotions. I experience the exact same thing you are talking about with my girlfriend for one year. She has a comfortable home life but is in a constant state of conflict with her parents because of how she is treated.. Namely them trying to get her out on her own after graduating and trying to find a job. You say that they dont chose to become depressed no they dont but they can choose to help themselves. I was two years out watching movie series to help me distract while I forced myself to eat. I would stand everything for her, but she doesnt seem to care, and it kills me from the inside. Ching, I thank the universe for you, and you for your response. She lacks motivation, and can struggle to get out of bed and finds it very difficult to engage with productive in her life, that I know she wants to do, but that she feels are fake and fleeting. You need to ask is that what you want for the rest of your life. Also, Im placed as the general emotional support to everyone around me. The specific mention of medication but not therapy makes me wonder whether your girlfriend is in therapy. Wow.. so many people with so many similar issues and I thought I was the only one! She has now admitted to me that she has battled with depression since she was a teenager (she is 26). I dunno maybe thats just me. I took on too much. I need to know, I was engaged to get married to her but we called it off. Breaking up is my last option but a considerable option because the fact that she is just not paying attention to me, everything is about her and her thoughts only. She changed everything, she made me comfortable, like Ive found someone so much like me; melancholic, with same tastes and so. hello, I am this depressed girl, I admit I got carried away with video games, I wasnt quick to the punch texting her back but Id always tell her where I am what Im up to so she would know and I would always give her an heartfelt lengthy reply. She is also currently in therapy. Taken from Revenge Of The Goldfish. The burden on caretakers is significant, and there is great therapeutic value in realizing you are not alone. Very often, when one takes on the role of caretaker, it becomes such a consuming task that the caretaker loses touch with himself/herself. she knows im here for her. This is the person who wants what you have - your charm, your wit, your success, your intelligence, your job, your partner, whatever - and because they don't think they . I live with her in college and my exams have not been going well. Bishop Blurz. You create your own reality. I have been with my girlfriend long distance for over a year now. It is not your role in this case. I had a 3 month relationship with a depressed woman and it was comparable to a roller coaster ride at Disney land ups and downs it was beyond this world everything was my fault problems was created and misery was the icing on the cake. But I feel so guilty and ashamed and like a failure for wanting this and I dont know what to do. Since being in a relationship with her I feel like I've lost myself a little bit? I am very patient and always will be because in my mind we love each other and relationship may not be perfect sometimes but thats okay in my eyes. Friends are pretty intuitive in that they know immediately when something isn't right. My sleep have been deprived for over 6 months. Imagine if you stay another couple years, get married, have children, then that person does the unspeakable after that? thanks for everyone comments! Shes gone to therapy, but currently not going. She also will fail in it, many times, probably hurting you, but she will go on. WE ARE ALL A PRODUCT OF OUR ENVIRONMENTS. The yoyo effect lasts only so long and some people need to realize if people wont do something to help themselves there is nothing in this world you can do about it. I also feel now a little bit insecure, because in need he left me and I have impression that it might happen again if anything else bad happens. Can we all agree that that sounds pretty amazing, and most definitely "good? She struggles to make friends and has isolated herself from the world. Should I leave her be and wait for her to consult me? I did every single thing that you guys have written here. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. She talks like Im the only good thing in her life and I believe she truly feels that way. Hey i am in a LDR and i need your help my gf is also depressed, she doesnt tell the stuff she is going through, yea she tells me most of the things but not that. But i will never get married again since it really has become very risky for many of us men that have been married the first time. This really got to me, he is my first love! I tried the whole counselling route n psychiatrist with her. a) Conversation Totally agree with your comment. (Cue that sad trombone. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry. Im more bummed cause were not having as much sex as Id like. I dont know if that is the case with you too. The sad thing is when these ppl start showing their age and dont have their sh$t together. somewhere inside you still know that too, its a natural instinct. All efforts made on my part were in vain. She used to threaten me and say i am depressed & mad. Talk, really talk openly without any criticism. I started to seek too much attention, because it felt finally a lille bit good to have this attention. Im sick of having nothing in my life matter. Its gut wrenching. Don't freak out if your goals are different. She might miss you. She is loyal and would care for me no matter what but I cant keep bringing my own life down too to be on her level. Head up, somewhere we still exist and can grow back to be ourselves. Let her try and fix that. Dude, We list further resources on this page:https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, If you would like to get in touch with a therapist, you can search our directory for mental health professionals in your area: goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. So if your partner isn't pulling his or her weight, you may find yourself feeling like giving up. This is verbatim my situation. I really hope that it is it. At the end of the day, I just believe that depression was just an excuse. Its very common, but you must break the cycle. If you need them. Hell even the break up process reinforces their behavior. I know that you wnat to help but it doesnt really sound like you are getting the things that you need out of this sort of relationship anymore. And the woman that i am dating right now which i do hope that my relationship lasts with her since like i mentioned earlier i really do love her very much. If, after years of treatment, she isnt getting any better, something probably needs to change. Her issues didnt matter to me as she is a very good person, but I didnt see the whole picture. All I got is she is just a drama queen, there wasnt any problems to become sad. If you are tired or stressed I cant do sex. I love her a lot, I just miss her old caring cuddly self! Then she started talking that her family pressured her, about the meds and that she loved me, but had a really hard time. Maybe your girlfriend finds talking to her friend, who also has the same kind of problem, helpful in some way. It's to the point where her depression is dragging me down with her, though I would never say that to her. I thought she was the woman of my life, that I would do anything for her and I would but she simply doesnt want. He never told me his true feelings for me until he asked me to be his proper girlfriend (of corse I said yes) the first 3 months was perfect, He treat me like a princess even though he was depressed he was lovely, under one condition, if I didnt go see my friends and I didnt drink alcohol. I even offered to pay for the consultation costs. But she just cries on the phone and says shes fine. We have to get our sh#t together or be ok with being alone and broke or God forbid settle for the girl were all here talking about. Long distance relationships where you rarely/never meet in person are not really the same thing. Look Ive been dealing with depression for years as well and yes at times i feel a bit hopeful and at other times i just want to die. I know thats going to be the final solution to all this, but is there anything anyone else could recommend? Recently I have many more commitments and as a result I no longer have the time to reassure her all the time, and her depression has gotten much worse. Remember the love bit. She will need manpower to make the move happen. One day I thought that she wanted to seek attention by saying that so I confronted her. And also I realised that people dont like sad people. So that he loves himself. Look man its getting to the point where youre gunna have to tell some form of authority, whether it be the police or something else either way, shes gunna bring you down if nothing changes and youll become just like her in a flash. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you. I looked it up. yesterday she said dating isnt working for either of us, the things that we need to change are things that cant chnange. Whatever the reason may be (unresolved conflicts, lack of trust, etc. If your partner isn't nice, or loving, or supportive in any way, it can leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. Im having similar issues as many of you aforementioned. I beat my depression, i became happy again but after a year with my gf and trying to care for her depression i can feel it creeping back again. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. Now she stopped the medications for a month ago, and still no affection what so ever. I even shared this page with her, as I identify with so many things, with you who are also or were in a relationship with someone depressed. The act of moving things out can be difficult to deal with. We do love each other, but her depression, mixed with her anxiety about our future as parents of the same child, is becoming too much for me to remain hopeful. I do not see a future with her but I get so torn up at the thought of leaving her to her depression and her situation, Im in the exact same situation as you gaz. There is more to life than this, trust me. I came over this weekend, she didnt seem to be too excited, she made me dinner but kept glancing at her phone, this hurt because she made less effort to communicate with me get she was on her phone more than usual. Ive explained my feelings in the past and she says she understands but makes no difference. And in one point of last month,she gave me a talk about how love is stupid and its just a distraction and that it doesnt last forever. She has issues with everyone including mine and her family. Even though we are long distance, I am finding it impossible to go on, and as I am at university, if I keep this up my grades are going to slip. im so torn and she suggested friends with benefits because we still show each other we care and shit by being friends at school and stuff, then casual hook ups and hanging out, basically dating. But how is it possible? She wont tell me whats going on. I just cant take the angry outbursts then the crying then the woe is me attitude over every tiny event. Next time you feel like this world is messed, go outside and try something new. Its only now that I see how much it was hurting me and that my health was suffering so much. Ive tried to think of ways to break it off that wont make her hate herself, like saying Im gay or having friends pose as drug dealers and freak her out by having them threaten me when shes around. (All is Hell) Yesterday night she told me she was sleeping at 8:00pm but i checked my other app that we text on cuz i like looking back at text messages and i see her active but talking to someone else she was talking to her best friend who also has depression and i thought she was cheating on me, so i asked her if she is and said no, i got upset about that and i kept asking her stuff but didnt reply, on a text she told me that her and her best friend are going thru depression rn and says that it bothers that i think about her 24/7, how could i not cuz she is not telling me stuff and i try to offer help and say i will be there for her but she i guess she doesnt want my help, anyways she also told me not to talk to her anymore. It may be time to step back and focus on yourself. Right now, we value the future of our child more than anything else. I like my lectures because I feel like I have room to breathe since there is no internet connection in the lecture theaters. Im so tired now and giving her space and to myself too while figuring what I should do, to stay or leave? Tell her its either you or the ex, no friendships either. Taking her depression into her own hands, can that make a person sick? She likes me to stay home with here all the time. When asked I would avoid the answer because I really didnt know, and when forced, probably I would put the blame on someone else or act with aggression. But when you have a hobby, do make sure that you are always there for her when she needs you. 11 months ago I started dating my girlfriend and everything was amazing. she undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her. I always stopped everything to help her, to stay hours remind her how she is incredible. She experienced child sexual trauma and suffers from depression and ptsd. I m still jobless for more than 2yrs thinking about her problems all the time.i can marry her after getting a good job.i feel like my life is hell and but I am not selfish too. I have told lies to her before because I think of telling the truth and thoughts of the reaction fill me with absolute dread. My advise to you would be: Dont be too stressed out about it. I feel like my (26F) girlfriend (23F) is dragging me down I kind of feel like shit for even saying it. I dont want to leave her, as a friend she needs me more than anything, but I need to figure out a way to help us both (I know Im not going to fix her issues, but just being around saying the same thing over and over again like I love you or everything going to be okai doesnt seem like its doing anything at all. Dragged Down. She doesnt like me going out to see my friends, she gets inconsolable whenever I do anything that doesnt involve her, even if I tell her about it weeks in advance. I really don't know the best way if breaking it to her and I don't wanna do anything that I'll regret 3 28 28 comments Add a Comment AutoModerator 8 mo. I am seeking some advice. Driving me to the point where my own happiness is at an all time low. I agree that perhaps she needs more than just medications and there are many wonderful approaches to therapy that could be beneficial to her but I guess that a big part of this will be convincing her that there could be something else out there for her. Here are 10 who are holding you down. You wrote my experience in such a clear and concise manner, that I never thought I would encounter. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. It's up to you to decide how to handle that. She questioned our status, then says if we are a couple we should act like one (she is always busy and making plans with friends so I leave her be) which she doesnt like. I dealt the final blow when I advised psychological follow-up over and over again. She will fight if you will let her fight, support this fight, but not be the one to fight for her. The reason I feel it's dragging me down is that my girlfriend's mother has always been extremely disrespectful to me. He would only talk and see me when he had nothing else to do but I was okay with that I was inlove with him. You took a leap when you wrote in with your question. I am opinionated and very understanding. Help me drag the camping gear down the hill. I dont want to get to the point of carer for her or to resent her because of her condition. Ive never been so stressed and sad and angry my whole life. How wrong! Im sorry for all of us that love was not enough. I wish you answers. The GoodTherapy.org Team. Shes most likely cheating already, I mean think about their history as if the ex hasnt tried to make a move on her. SO IF YOU HANG AROUND PEOPLE LIKE THIS YOU WILL TAKE ON THEIR THINKING AND HABITS MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT. This could mean adding individual and/or group therapy to her treatment regimen, trying a new therapeutic approach, or making a change to her medication. Good looking, good healthy cooking. It truly could be your relationship that's to blame. I tried to break up with her but,she couldnt let me ago, how cant she,shes been saying were drifting apart were nothing you dont care about me just stop it.and now shes depressed,or think she is, and Im the one getting all the thoughts all the sadness. Shes 30 but she isnt mature enough to have any responsibility, I pity for it. The ex shouldnt even be in the equation. We r loving since 5-6 years! I really wish GoodTherapy.org would have some people, professionals or people who had past experiences in line with all the above comments and have them offer some advice and hope for everyone here. If your partner dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you may be in a draining relationship. I hate her anxiety. Its been 8 months and Im already afraid of how she might self destruct if I tried to end the relationship. First, try and make an attempt to be supportive. we took a break for a day, then got back together. I dont know if you know Jesus, and sorry if I sound like a religious nutcase now but Im really trying to help you. It is your life too. Well, Ive dating this girl for the last half-year, after two years of deep depression, isolation, drugs & alcohol abuse and poverty. When I asked her what she thinks about the future, she said it wont be happiness and that it is impossible to be happy, and that she never imagine about our relationship anymore. It's an affect that's truly worth noting. I take it this is detrimental to a persons feelings who has depression. You have two choices. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org'sTerms and Conditions of Use. 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